Skinny
Pack Dog
THE VIDEO:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwqIW5-xA8k
THE RIDE REPORT:
They called them The Tank Girls... last of the great stunt chickens, motor-pony express riders, kakkerlak hunters, brake pad heroes, & unchallengeable face-planters! The taller was known as The-Thin-One (Skinny), the other The-Wind-That-Blows-Fast (Storm).
The shoot-out was planned! Shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more & then when everybody's dead try to ask a question or two…
There would be a race to the end. The one that crossed the line first – dead or alive – would take the ‘steaks’!
The race would be held at Lichtenburg Motorclub on the 25th of the 5th month.
The wagons were packed…
The horses were saddled & loaded…
The road was long & dusty…
The Skinny one kept the wagon wheels rollin’… softly humming “Afrikaners is plesierig”
And in the dusty many-donkey town, the first ones arrived…
Die manne met die slange! The town was a bustle, readying itself for the big event…
The Storm and her Side-Wind galloped into town as if they owned it…! Maybe they did?!?
On their spurs were the crew… the SHOOTIN’ crew!
The cow-chickens were sizing’ each other up…
The horse’s hooves were checked, but only until the first race when we discovered ‘heated’ hooves would help you nothin’ on this here ranch!
Which gun would draw faster?
Geel Strepie vs Vonk
Honda CBR600 on track vs. BigBoy XTG200 just inside the track on dirt
Money anyone???
The chickens signed their lives away… & added a few new neuroticism’s to the list!
The town’s people gathered…
Johannes ‘Jesse’ James, Willem ’Wyatt’ Earp, Boet ‘Butch’ Cassidy & the rest of the gang…
While the Storm was adjusting her chaps…
…the Skinny was planning her attack!
Why should I obtain by force that which I can obtain by cheating? - Doc Holiday
Guns were loaded, taped & ready for shooting…
Just in case she wanted to throw her name away, we gave her a spare…
Let's break it down into two words. First ‘red’. Red is like fire, passion. ‘Neck’ is… I can't think of anything for neck right now!
The good doctor was on stand-by…
In the Wild West they will dice you with anything… AND WIN! He probably still had a load of lucerne on the back too…
For the first dual, we had a flame with Knight Rider!
The Billy-Kid cleaning his cartridge… He is getting’ a whippin’ into a stunt horse & with the cage on his chest, it made ‘leaning into a corner’ a whole new experience! Scraping on every fast corner… there is a saying: Don't squat with your spurs on.
You shoot left…
You shoot right…
Ready? PULL!!!
But Kit left the horses grazin’… We did well – at least he didn’t lap us again!
Johann Snyman aka Double Barrel!
We took a short break with the local stunt team’s entertainment! Or was this a boere-raat on how to ‘turn back time’?
Next shoot-out, we were firing up against Max-the-Mad…
Storm said ‘Hello’, ‘Koebaai’… and then disappeared into the sunset!
I almost got pistol whipped, but my little Vonk jumped the line just in time…
André Vermeulen aka 12 Boor!
The can-can girls were sponsored by KOO!
We got a bite to eat before the next race…
Though… I think Colin bit off more than he could chew?
Colin Lehmann is doing the Isle of Man next year & we did a few shoots of him on the track to add to his portfolio… Bwah the Brittish! Racing on narrow roads between houses…! They must come to Africa where our races are interrupted by the bees wagters whistling their herds across the track!
Colin-cowboy on his rearing horse… When in doubt, let your horse do the thinkin'!
CHEAT 1:
Get all the rally cars to make as big a possible mess on the track as they can - CHECK!
(It looked a bit like a movie set for an Omo add…)
There’s something to be said for a place that hasn’t had all the rough ridden off it…
CHEAT 2:
Flick the switch on Geel Strepie’s pace-maker - CHECK!
*Stoot – stoot – stoot* After numerous failed attempts they could not get the Streep to turn over. *Stoot – stoot – stoot*
Pushing on… we had Billy-the-kid-Bob in the corner – shakin’ his mane, “Stupid esel!”
This was a heist… a heist for a heart!
There was a heart pumping in Billy… the two year old dusty heart of an outlaw.
The Doc & his assistant busy with the delicate procedure, “Scalpel… Spanner… ”
While they were stitching up Strepie’s chest, Storm decided to test ‘ry Obi’… But Obi’s legs were too short!
And on the start line the horses were snorting… tension rising as silence fell on the empty streets of the dusty town. Scared folk peeping from behind curtains…
Being low on available Indians, the chiefs decided to multi-task…
And while Storm was still drawing her gun, mine was already smokin’…
But before I reached the cactus on corner 1… she came flying past me!
Tumbleweed… as the lone rangerES comes galloping down the straight!
The pony did not give up…
CHEAT 3:
Organize with the marshals to keep traffic cones next to the track – CHECK!
I skidded to a halt…
…and packed out all the cones on the track…
…before I jumped back onto my horse & took off…
In the distance, the Storm slowed down for the danger lurking ahead…
…but her horse has done gymkhana before & made it out the other side – alive…
And before long the Streep came whizzing past…
But I had one more lasso to toss…
CHEAT 4:
I bribed little Almi & her friends to stop Storm at a ‘padpatrollie’ crossing. It’s marvellous what Cadbury can do for you!!!
Spot the difference…
“STOP!!! STOP!!! Ek is ‘n spiet-POP…”
While they earned the swiets… Storm had to wait IMpatiently as I caught up…
Sliding from grass to tar, back over the side to grass… eeeeeaakkhhhhh!
Storm’s horse was breathing down my chain guard…
Standing up from my stirrups & showing Storm the soles of my Wellingtons…
Tellin' a chicken to get lost & makin' her do it are two entirely different propositions. I gave Vonk all he’s got. The smell of burning marsmallows filled my nostrils, but victory lay inches ahead. There was no rollin’ off now!
And with that… the 6-shooter & little Vonk blasted over the line at exactly the same time!
“Oh, nothing… It was a game of two & I got there first.” - Billy the Kid to Milnor Rudolph in reference to the killing of Texas Joe Grant
At the end of the day, we both took home the loot!
To watch the short video we made of this epic race - watch this YouTube link (Skinny and Storm Lichtenburg):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwqIW5-xA8k
After the race, the crew met up in the saloon for a stout.
Dankie Louré van Schalkwyk, Hannelie van Schalkwyk, Johan van Wyk, Colin Lehmann & Ettiene de Leeuw – to you I lift my Stetson!
We just want to say thank you to the town’s people – you were amazing! Never mind that there was a big kerk bazaar & Bok van Blerk was the entertainment… they still came out to support us!
Lichtenburg Kyalami (…as we knew it as kids) was too keen to host us. The track was great fun & I can’t wait to go back there. Contact them on VleisBoek to find out when the next event is OR if you want to host your own:
https://www.facebook.com/SCCLMC.club?fref=ts
"Clearly, society has a tremendous stake in insisting on a woman's natural fitness for the career of mother: the alternatives are all too expensive." - Ann Oakley
Giddeup!
'Calamity' Skinny
