Gasman
Pack Dog
:sip:
Ngola Kingdom: Motorcycle (mis)adventures in south-west Angola
- Thread starter MaxThePanda
- Start date
This RR wins on so many levels
Beserker
Grey Hound
onderbroek said:
Even Winston and Adolf :3some:
MaxThePanda said:
Beserker said:
:snorting: :snorting: Good one, Dave.
MechanicalCamel
Pack Dog
It’s a trippy thing wrapping up a bike trip like this. Not that we were returning from an Arctic expedition or chartering a new path through the Amazon (although that sounds fun) but there had been a fair few unforeseen events, good and bad, delightful and disastrous. A lifetime ago at Ruacana we would never have predicted where we were now; freezing cold in the middle of the night about to drive down a road that might not exist.
I guess that’s the upside of loose planning – there’s an adventure around every corner. Nasty surprises are an inherent part of mad adventure; if they weren’t everyone would do them. Risk-averse folks prefer to zero the chances of a bad outcome, so they plan the bejezuz out of their trips. That works for them, cool. Personally, I find that a bit too predictable, which for me quickly becomes boring. Other folks like to deliberately put themselves in situations of near complete chaos, just to see if anyone dies. It’s exciting and hilarious to be around and wonderfully free…. and sometimes you end up missing a trip cause your bike breaks down. There’s a downside whichever way you roll. I’m sure many reading this have a firm preference, and that diversity is awesome. As long as no one tries to convince others of the superiority of a specific path, we’re all set for happy days. Relative to my special band of travel goons, I’m probably a little on the risk averse side. This trip definitely gave me a nudge to loosen up a bit and wing it. And wing it we did. Straight on into the Namibian night.
You’ll recall that the Panda had added some garments to his usual riding attire (and had mysteriously acquired a rifle)
The sleeping-bag-ensconced Midget was looking a touch more rotund than usual
Back on the campaign trail we came to a sign, a blessed sign, a sign like no other, a sign like a Noah finding 2000 umbrellas and some wood on his doorstep. The sign said, “go this way and you shall get to where you want to go – 230kms”. In choreographed cliché, we all raised a triumphant fist in the air and gave a big shout out to our guardian deities.
By this stage we were flying in pretty tight formation. Max’s headlights were bouncing off his origami-ed fairing so he was blinded by an orange sun right in front of his nose. I had my Darth Vader visor on so had a choice of either frostbite from an open visor or the visibility of a rectal probe. Buttercup has a bic lighter for a headlight and the Midget was near the end of his reserves by this point. Our genius plan was to pool resources; my headlight, Max’s eyes, and both of our taillights. I drove 30cm off the Panda’s back wheel (foot resting casually on his pannier), providing the light for Max (his was off). With my foot on his bag I could drive by feel so slipped into a meditative trance with my eyes closed, a technique I can highly recommend to restore inner balance. The Midge then had 2 taillights to target lock onto. The (blindingly obvious) downside to this arrangement was that if anything happened, it was going to happen to all of us, Lock, Stock, and 3 Shpangled Bikes. We were too cold, tired and stupid to think of a better solution, which would have been for Max and I to swap bikes or helmets, but then you wouldn’t have a story about 3 idiots to ridicule at your pleasure.
To be honest, this was the dumbest and most dangerous thing we did on the whole trip. If the infamous Donkey of Death had been chilling on the road it would have been catastrophic, but it wasn’t, and we were fine, and we’ll only do it once more. Max put in a champion effort. He was clearly in a fair bit of pain but he charged on at the front and took us with him – I’m very grateful to him for that.
And then, all of a sudden, without the remotest bit of fanfare, we were there. Back in Opuwo, whooping along the main road, high fives over speed humps, and back to the lodge to demand they reopen the bar and serve us champagne.
“Do you know who I am?” demanded the Camel
“No” said the sleepy security guard who’d been woken at 12:30am by 3 noisy bikes
“I need booze man, it’s my birthday” he squealed in half-panic.
“You’re in room 13.”
“But I’m Jeff Vader…” he pleaded to the back of the guard who was returning to slumber. “Death by tray” he thought...
Defeated and empty handed, we went to find Tom, who was also asleep but infinitely more receptive. We tried to replay the nutty events of the day’s travel and the entire trip in garbled half sentences, very excited but also acutely aware of how bleak he must be feeling. Bitter sweet indeed.
And then we went to sleep, woke up, packed vehicles, and settled in for a 3 day drive back home, with the Panda laid out like a vulnerable dolphin.
I guess that’s the upside of loose planning – there’s an adventure around every corner. Nasty surprises are an inherent part of mad adventure; if they weren’t everyone would do them. Risk-averse folks prefer to zero the chances of a bad outcome, so they plan the bejezuz out of their trips. That works for them, cool. Personally, I find that a bit too predictable, which for me quickly becomes boring. Other folks like to deliberately put themselves in situations of near complete chaos, just to see if anyone dies. It’s exciting and hilarious to be around and wonderfully free…. and sometimes you end up missing a trip cause your bike breaks down. There’s a downside whichever way you roll. I’m sure many reading this have a firm preference, and that diversity is awesome. As long as no one tries to convince others of the superiority of a specific path, we’re all set for happy days. Relative to my special band of travel goons, I’m probably a little on the risk averse side. This trip definitely gave me a nudge to loosen up a bit and wing it. And wing it we did. Straight on into the Namibian night.
You’ll recall that the Panda had added some garments to his usual riding attire (and had mysteriously acquired a rifle)
The sleeping-bag-ensconced Midget was looking a touch more rotund than usual
Back on the campaign trail we came to a sign, a blessed sign, a sign like no other, a sign like a Noah finding 2000 umbrellas and some wood on his doorstep. The sign said, “go this way and you shall get to where you want to go – 230kms”. In choreographed cliché, we all raised a triumphant fist in the air and gave a big shout out to our guardian deities.
By this stage we were flying in pretty tight formation. Max’s headlights were bouncing off his origami-ed fairing so he was blinded by an orange sun right in front of his nose. I had my Darth Vader visor on so had a choice of either frostbite from an open visor or the visibility of a rectal probe. Buttercup has a bic lighter for a headlight and the Midget was near the end of his reserves by this point. Our genius plan was to pool resources; my headlight, Max’s eyes, and both of our taillights. I drove 30cm off the Panda’s back wheel (foot resting casually on his pannier), providing the light for Max (his was off). With my foot on his bag I could drive by feel so slipped into a meditative trance with my eyes closed, a technique I can highly recommend to restore inner balance. The Midge then had 2 taillights to target lock onto. The (blindingly obvious) downside to this arrangement was that if anything happened, it was going to happen to all of us, Lock, Stock, and 3 Shpangled Bikes. We were too cold, tired and stupid to think of a better solution, which would have been for Max and I to swap bikes or helmets, but then you wouldn’t have a story about 3 idiots to ridicule at your pleasure.
To be honest, this was the dumbest and most dangerous thing we did on the whole trip. If the infamous Donkey of Death had been chilling on the road it would have been catastrophic, but it wasn’t, and we were fine, and we’ll only do it once more. Max put in a champion effort. He was clearly in a fair bit of pain but he charged on at the front and took us with him – I’m very grateful to him for that.
And then, all of a sudden, without the remotest bit of fanfare, we were there. Back in Opuwo, whooping along the main road, high fives over speed humps, and back to the lodge to demand they reopen the bar and serve us champagne.
“Do you know who I am?” demanded the Camel
“No” said the sleepy security guard who’d been woken at 12:30am by 3 noisy bikes
“I need booze man, it’s my birthday” he squealed in half-panic.
“You’re in room 13.”
“But I’m Jeff Vader…” he pleaded to the back of the guard who was returning to slumber. “Death by tray” he thought...
Defeated and empty handed, we went to find Tom, who was also asleep but infinitely more receptive. We tried to replay the nutty events of the day’s travel and the entire trip in garbled half sentences, very excited but also acutely aware of how bleak he must be feeling. Bitter sweet indeed.
And then we went to sleep, woke up, packed vehicles, and settled in for a 3 day drive back home, with the Panda laid out like a vulnerable dolphin.
Is that it!? ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT STUFF GUYS!
:hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2:
:hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2:
:hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2:
:hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2:
Thank you so much for this ride report- A real labour of love I know.
I agree with you the unplanned trip is better, and worse. But one thing for sure: It will be filled with adventure, and more often than not becomes totally epic. Which reminds me I need to finish my Andes to the Amazon report. :
I have to ask you: Have you considered what would you have done if the injury was worse, rendering Jeff Vader unable to ride? Unthikable, but you must have discussed this and it would be interesting to know what you might have done under the circumstances, maybe find a car or something to get him back to the world? Would that have even been possible?
:hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2:
:hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2:
:hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2:
:hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2:
Thank you so much for this ride report- A real labour of love I know.
I agree with you the unplanned trip is better, and worse. But one thing for sure: It will be filled with adventure, and more often than not becomes totally epic. Which reminds me I need to finish my Andes to the Amazon report. :
I have to ask you: Have you considered what would you have done if the injury was worse, rendering Jeff Vader unable to ride? Unthikable, but you must have discussed this and it would be interesting to know what you might have done under the circumstances, maybe find a car or something to get him back to the world? Would that have even been possible?
MechanicalCamel
Pack Dog
Hehe - glad you enjoyed.
Yeah, we did chat a bit about emergency exits. To be honest, we spoke the most about it on the way to Foz du Kunene, through the desert. We would have left one guy with the wounded soldier and a bottle of whiskey, and the other would rocket off like a hero to go find help, although God knows what form that would have taken out there. We did discuss taking a SAT phone at one point but then got distracted buying rokstraps and forgot about it.
We once met some Scotsmen in Namibia touring on 1200's who designed oil rigs for a living. Their favourite quote was "there's no problem that can't be solved by an oil man with an unlimited budget". Which is entirely irrelevant cause we aren't oil men (apart from the Midget who enjoys a spot of lubricated wrestling) and certainly don't have an unlimited budget. But if the injury wasn't serious enough for medivac then a donkey cart / bakkie to the border and a phone call to Tom probably would've done the trick.
Thank the biking gods we didn't need to test that out...
Yeah, we did chat a bit about emergency exits. To be honest, we spoke the most about it on the way to Foz du Kunene, through the desert. We would have left one guy with the wounded soldier and a bottle of whiskey, and the other would rocket off like a hero to go find help, although God knows what form that would have taken out there. We did discuss taking a SAT phone at one point but then got distracted buying rokstraps and forgot about it.
We once met some Scotsmen in Namibia touring on 1200's who designed oil rigs for a living. Their favourite quote was "there's no problem that can't be solved by an oil man with an unlimited budget". Which is entirely irrelevant cause we aren't oil men (apart from the Midget who enjoys a spot of lubricated wrestling) and certainly don't have an unlimited budget. But if the injury wasn't serious enough for medivac then a donkey cart / bakkie to the border and a phone call to Tom probably would've done the trick.
Thank the biking gods we didn't need to test that out...
Crossed-up
Pangaman
Wonderful report. Thank you.
I'd like to buy the 4 of you a beer. Who gets the first swig?
Just setting the standard, setting the standard.
I'd like to buy the 4 of you a beer. Who gets the first swig?
Just setting the standard, setting the standard.
Wayne Duck
Race Dog
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2011
- Messages
- 957
- Reaction score
- 348
So very entertaining...had a joll reading it, thanks guys! :thumleft:
Malibu
Bachelor Dog
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2007
- Messages
- 11,171
- Reaction score
- 64
- Bike
- NER-A-CAR
Roll of Honour thread.... Awesome! Thanks for taking us on such a fantastic ride with you.... :thumleft:
Wolfman
Pack Dog
On so many levels a very inspiring report!
Well done doods and thank you for sharing
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
Well done doods and thank you for sharing
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
Mark Hardy
Grey Hound
:hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2: :hello2:
A Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious RR
A Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious RR
Johan10
Puppy
Great ride report!
You know how you see okes with their bikes and wonder to yourself : "Where are they going? I wish I had my bike on a trailer heading on an adventure."
That was me when I saw you guys at the Engen on the N7 the morning you left, and went back, and left again. Great was my surprise to find this awesome RR!
Well done guys. A tip of the proverbial hat.
You know how you see okes with their bikes and wonder to yourself : "Where are they going? I wish I had my bike on a trailer heading on an adventure."
That was me when I saw you guys at the Engen on the N7 the morning you left, and went back, and left again. Great was my surprise to find this awesome RR!
Well done guys. A tip of the proverbial hat.
MaxThePanda
Race Dog
Well, well... 'Roll of Honour'... an honour indeed! Many times I seriously doubted whether the garbled nonsense of our band of merry misfits, miscreants and morons would be of any interest to these hallowed tribes. If anything, we should remember life is short, it should be taken less seriously, and everybody who lives in this blessed corner of the universe and is lucky enough to own a motorcycle should let it take them on some kind of extraordinary journey, long or short, rough or smooth, nuts or sane, as often as they possibly can.
Oh, and if you want to be a real man, you really should weld your own rack.
Unless you're a midget, of course.
PS. If you're a little patient - cause I'm super, like, busy at the moment, I may have a short few movie moments to share to end off this peculiar little tale.
PPS. Home is where the heart is:
Oh, and if you want to be a real man, you really should weld your own rack.
Unless you're a midget, of course.
PS. If you're a little patient - cause I'm super, like, busy at the moment, I may have a short few movie moments to share to end off this peculiar little tale.
PPS. Home is where the heart is:
Tiger8
Race Dog
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2010
- Messages
- 2,293
- Reaction score
- 104
- Location
- Eastern Cape
- Bike
- KTM 950 Adventure S
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
This can't end yet, make-up some more stuff, plagarise more pic's from the interweb, anything .......... pleeeez :'( :'( :'(
A Totally EPIC RR, thanks Camel, Max, Midget and Ghost (he was with you in spirit )
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..
Now click on page 1 and start again ;D
:thumleft: :thumleft: :thumleft: :thumleft: :thumleft:
This can't end yet, make-up some more stuff, plagarise more pic's from the interweb, anything .......... pleeeez :'( :'( :'(
A Totally EPIC RR, thanks Camel, Max, Midget and Ghost (he was with you in spirit
).
.
.
.
.
..
Now click on page 1 and start again ;D
:thumleft: :thumleft: :thumleft: :thumleft: :thumleft:
Snafu
Grey Hound
Brilliant!!!
MechanicalCamel
Pack Dog
wooohoooo.... roll of honour!!!! How lovely is that.
Thanks for all the kudos folks - great having you along for the ride.
Was thinking last night that the writing was such a hoot I should carry on. It'd be either:
A) the time I bought my first ever motorcycle and rode it round the states for 4 months (I started by pushing it over a mountain pass outside Denver, Colorado); or,
2) some of the absurd trips we did in Cambodia, which included submarining a CG125 while trying to find a temple on the Thai border
But first I need to advise the Midget on expansion of his Global Empire... (for a whacking fee under line item "monkey trainer")
Thanks for all the kudos folks - great having you along for the ride.
Was thinking last night that the writing was such a hoot I should carry on. It'd be either:
A) the time I bought my first ever motorcycle and rode it round the states for 4 months (I started by pushing it over a mountain pass outside Denver, Colorado); or,
2) some of the absurd trips we did in Cambodia, which included submarining a CG125 while trying to find a temple on the Thai border
But first I need to advise the Midget on expansion of his Global Empire... (for a whacking fee under line item "monkey trainer")
