When waking up not more than 20kms from the country of your desired destination it would be reasonable to feel fairly confident of making it into said country. Given our immediate history though, a cautious view seemed prudent. Max spent the first few hours of sunlight studiously wiring in his GPS because this seemed like a good idea for 3 buffoons with no idea of where they were heading. I spent the time pacifying my desert-water-drought-panic by filling up every 2 litre coke bottle I could find with water. The Midget spent the time carefully brushing his teeth, standing in front of the basin on an upturned bucket, just able to see into the mirror. Dental hygiene is very important and should not be ignored just because you’re camping.
And then we were off! For the 312th time this trip we were finally leaving. Bom Dia Angola! Just a quick stop first at the gas station...
There were 2 things that turned this stop into a 3 hr pause. One of them we knew about: this was the first time I was figuring out how to fill up my bike (bear with me, this is slightly less moronic than it sounds. I hope.) I can't remember if I mentioned this already but I was unable to get into my petrol tank. I'd had a wee incident a year ago where I snapped off my key in the ignition. Most of the key was still inside so you could turn the bike on and off with anything screwdriver-shaped. Which is exactly what I’d been using for a year and why I hadn’t bothered fixing it. I’ve got a Safari tank on the bike so when I fill up I just put gas up front. All good and well until you need to make very, very sure that you are carrying absolutely all the petrol you possibly can, for example, when visiting Angola. (I had only remembered about the no-key-for-the-petrol-cap thing somewhere near Windhoek and apart from needless release adrenaline into my system, there wasn't much I could do). Now, the seasoned among you will know that the safari tank drains back into the main tank. Slowly. Very slowly. So I could fill up the safari tank and wait for it to wander it's way backwards but it's pretty difficult to tell when it's full. Actually it’s not. You just fill the Safari tank until you see petrol pissing out the breather pipe of the main tank, all over the bikes electrics. Close the tap. Job done.
The midget fills up one of his 13 fuel bags:
We resisted the temptation to buy fishing rods at the garage…
Mostly cause we’d heard about how bad the crocodiles were…
Then the second reason for the delay…. Ready to go and... (you must all be getting soooooo bored of this fake-start-story by now). 2 of us pull out the station…
(note the Midget’s sit/stand combo)
…while the third creases his brow and confronts the fact that there’s not one milli-charge of juice on his bike. At this stage I must point out that Max is the brains of the group. Clearly from the story thus far that isn't too tricky - the average is somewhere on a par with an anteater - but he really is a smart dood. This time though his genius has presumably failed him and his GPS wiring splendifery had drained the battery. This likely scenario he refused to accept however and after a few failed push starts he set about with his trusty voltmeter.
This voltmeter is a bit of a laughing point between us. Max never leaves on a bike trip without it. I'm not aware that we've ever really needed it, but it gets pulled out at pretty much every time a bike stops for reasons other than petrol or puncture. Now I'm no electrician but I'm reasonably confident that when your bike is so dead it struggles to jump start when getting pulled down the main road by a bakkie, a voltmeter isn't going to help. Anxiety levels at this point though, were running sky high. Max had no idea why his bike had dumped it's charge and was, understandably, pretty concerned about heading into the back of beyond with a bike with dodgy battery and no kickstart. Max dived into the electrical bits while the midget and I ate roadside oranges, him sitting on one of those black rubbish bins, feet dangling a good foot off the floor.
Max pulling the fuses out with his teeth:
After studious volt-metering, Max ripped out all but the essential fuses and declared that we were ready. Whistle, hoot, yawn, done-this-before and we were off to see the wizard.
I can see Angoooooooola!
Not to do outdone by my big brother, I had one last crack at derailing the departure process by getting arrested. As in, I had a crack at getting arrested, rather than actually getting arrested. I'm pretty sure the latter would be entirely successful in the "derailing departure' game. In fact, that would almost certainly be a gold medal victory-clincher, but I deftly spun around and rode out of the power station that I had accidentally ridden into post haste, having satisfied myself that there was no customs desk inside.
Correct road located, lots of scribbling on forms at a one horse Namibian border post (where the naughtiest of the naughty must get sent), and we were through. More scribbling at the half-horse-and-no-saddle post on the Angolan side and we were through!
"Hello Angola - nice to see you! Lets have a beer"