The "It Never Happened" trip...

[Mr Zog]

They say that if there are no fodies that it never happened. Well in that case this is all just a figment of my colourful imagination. Probably brought on by copious amounts of caffeine, Klipdrift, nicotine and Mojito's. Oh, and probably also sniffing Mr Min...  :eek7:

It all began while sitting in the office a long way away from home and getting that kak feeling that happens every now and again. You know the feeling? That one where you are sitting in a small office and you can actually hear the waves on the beach? Even though you are about 1000km from the ocean...  :xxbah:

The missus was also getting the feeling. So being the dapper knight in Goretex and ventilation panels I made a plan for my beautiful princess. Mapsource, T4A, Google Earth and WD forum are your buddies! I was looking for a spot on the Northern KZN coast, somewhat off the beaten track, and within crawling distance of the beach. Oh, and it had to be relatively cheap too, I'm on a tight budget remember  :deal:

So eventually I came across this little gem of a place https://www.thehatchery.co.za/default.html  and I mail them for prices and availability. I get a reply within 5 minutes! Cool! They have space, and as its just out of holiday season the rates are lower than advertised! I confirm my booking immediately! Transfer the cash into their account. Sorted!

So now its just a question of how to get there. Yes, of course we are going on the bike, but what route to take? I don't feel like sitting on the highway all the way. Back to Mapsource and T4A... oh, and of course the WD forum  ;D

 

[Mr Zog]

Right, so a few snippets of background info...

I wanted to go to the KZN north coast because its WARM there, the sun shines, the water is lekker for swimming, the waves aren't too big, and the fishing is good. And its also not that far from Pretoria... well not as far as PE, or Slummies... or Slaapstad.

There are also some really lekker routes to get there too... Passes, plantations, twisty bits, scenery... you know what I mean. Not just the N4 or the N3.

I am also just getting back into biking after a long absence, the GSA has been a dream for me since my first spin on one in 2006. Took the bank manager long enough to finally capitulate and just give me the finance. The spots on his carpet were worn through from my knees... Finally got the GSA in late August 2012. Who says persistence doesn't pay?  :ricky:

I decided that the destination was going to be a surprise for the missus. Yes, of course I told her we were going to the sea-side (BIG happiness  :biggrin: ) and that it was going to be the warm KZN north coast (more big happiness  :biggrin: ) and that we wouldn't be camping, but staying in an air-conditioned chalet (moerofa BIG happiness  :biggrin: )

Liefie was so looking forward to the holiday that she even went out and bought a new bikini  :drif:

Departure date was set for about ten days away. We were counting the days...  :clock:

 

[Riaanrw]

:clock:

 

[Mr Zog]

So... about three days before we are due to leave I decide to check out SABC3 weather report. FAARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :eek7:

Some "low pressure cut-off system" is lurking over Botswana, and is gonna cause "heavy rains over most of the upper part of SA". I'm no meteorologist, but I can see a BIG DARK 80% chance of rain ALL OVER the route I want to take, as well as for the destination.

But its just rain, right? Just a bit of water, right? Africa isn't for sissies, right?

The missus sees the same weather report, and starts hinting that the cage might be a better bet for the trip.

But I'm mos a biker man! And I've been looking soooo forward to the trip. And we mos have ATGATT, and rain suits... "no worries babe, it'll be cool..."

Famous last words...  :-[

The plan was to set off on the Saturday morning REALLY early, "lets leave at about five, first light, then we can take it easy, stop for lots of photo's, have a lekker ride down". Friday we pack our clothes. Except now there is just a bit more to pack than a cozzie and a clean pair of undies. Fleece-tops, track-suit bottoms, and a spare t-shirt. But I still make space in the panniers for fishing tackle  :biggrin:  It just means that we can't take any food along.  No space anymore. Did I mention that the place we are going to is self-catering?  eepwall:

 

[Mr Zog]

Friday afternoon we are packed and ready. Friday evening I finally capitulate and show the missus where we are going. She thinks the spot looks LOVELY. (big bonus points for me  :biggrin: ) We decide that we will just have a lekker big late lunch on the road, and then just have some biscuits for supper Saturday night. Sunday morning we can mos just pop up to Mtunzini and get some lekker food there. Sorted.

Friday night I set the alarm for 4am, and we go to sleep with the sounds of thunder, and raindrops trying to beat their way through the tiles on the roof.

The alarm wakes me. I kill it, and jump out of bed, open the curtains just a crack, and look outside. The lawn has become a lake. But its not raining. I make my decision. Fark the cage. We will do it on the bike, it's mos stopped raining, its over, right?

I put the kettle on, hit the shower, a song bursts forth from my lips. Liefie shouts at me to shut up, the dogs are howling. Can my voice be that bad?

I dry off, and pull on my biking gear. Yes, I did put the "waterproof" lining in the ATGATT pants. I even put them in the missus's ATGATT pants. Bloody good hubby I am  :thumleft:

I make my second cup of coffee, and pull out a pack of zip-lock bags from the kitchen cupboard. 1 for my cellphone. 1 for her cellphone. 1 for my camera. Shit. I don't have one big enough for her camera. And its not a cheapie, its a Nikon with lenses and stuff. I find a bag from Cape Union Mart, and put her camera into that, then roll it up tight, and put it back into the camera bag. The camera bag was going to go in the tank bag for ease of access on the road, but now I shift stuff around and put it into the topbox. That was the best move I made all day.

Beloved emerges from the bedroom, encapsulated in her ATGATT. "don't you think we should take my car?"

"ag liefie, the stuff is all packed in the bike already, and look, its stopped raining. It'll be fine, trust me"

I have a third cup of coffee... eventually beloved is ready. We kit up, helmets on, gloves on, final checks: intercom system is working, house alarm is on, lets go!

She gets on behind me, and I pull away. Down the driveway of the complex. It's 06h15, its not raining, and we are going to the sea-side! On the bike! Yaaay!  :ricky:

We get to the gate, I push the remote to open it, I ride out of the gate, and the heavens open up.  :eek7:

 

[Mr Zog]

Now I haven't ridden my new bike in the rain before. I'm not talking three drops of miggie-pis, I'm talking about buckets. It sounds like someone is hitting the screen with a mallet. We turn onto the N4 and I remember that the tyres are still cold, its going to take a while to get some heat into them. So I take it slow. The display shows its 17 degrees. Thats ok, its not cold. Just nice and fresh. And our ATGATT is waterproof. We'll be fine.

I stop at the toll gate outside Cullinan and pay with the garage card. Yes, I pay toll gates, so sue me. The intercom that I got from Spirit Motorcycles is working great (free punt) and I ask liefie if she's ok? She says yes, she's fine. "when is the rain going to stop?" "I'm sure it will stop any minute now baby, look, its getting lighter up ahead". The sun rises in the east, we are heading east...  and its early morning.

The intercom usually lasts about 4 - 5 hours before the batteries die, so we have a code system; 1 tap means I can stop sometime. 2 taps mean stop at the next available place. 3 taps mean stop NOW!  This info will become useful later... 

We continue on. The rain becomes a little less severe. Its gone from buckets to coffee mugs. I pass Bronkies, and soon we exit Gauteng into Mpumalanga. Another tollgate. Pay. Its getting cooler now. 15 degrees on the display. I feel that some water has started running down my neck, down my spine, and its not so lekker. My gloves are soaked. Even behind the handguards. My fingers are starting to get numb. I pull into the Shell Ultra. We have been going for an hour.

 

[Mr Zog]

I decide to fill up the tank. There is a roof over the pumps. I didn't fill up before leaving and there is only about half a tank left.

The missus disappears into the quick-shop. With my wallet. She returns with a coffee for me, and shows me the money in my wallet. My wallet was in the side pouch of the tank bag. Not only is the wallet wet, even the buffalo's are soaked. My lotto ticket has disintegrated, now I suppose I'll never know if I won the jackpot  :'(

I put my wallet in the topbox. Drink my coffee and have a couple of smokes. We saddle up and continue. Its still raining. The silence from behind me is getting deafening.

We take the turn-off onto the N11, towards Ermelo. Big mining trucks come past from the front causing a muddy spray, a brown mist that coats the screen and my visor. Luckily the rain washes it off quite fast. My red and black jacket is slowly turning brown. I can't feel my fingers anymore, the reading on the dash shows 12 degrees.

IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!  I have heated grips! If I could feel my fingers I would have face-palmed myself! I select position 2. Extra-hot. Soon the warmth starts defrosting my hands and I drop it down to position 1. We make our way through Hendrina, and continue southwards towards Ermelo. In the rain. Maybe the intercom has stopped working?

 

[Ganjora]

:useless:

 

[Mr Zog]

:useless:

No shit, Sherlock  :imaposer:  :imaposer:  :imaposer:

 

[Mr Zog]

Visiblity has never been very good so far, usually only about two hundred meters. As we approach the bustling metropolis of Ermelo it drops. A fine mist starts replacing the rain, and soon I am doing about 60km/h. Visiblity is about 50 meters.

We have visited Ermelo many times in the past, so I don't need to look on the GPS for the Wimpy. Miss Silent gets off the bike as we stop outside the brekkie spot and walks into the Wimpy. I decide to give her some space, have a smoke. The rain has finally stopped though, and I know the mist will lift soon. I have the last drag, crush the stompie underfoot, and join beloved in the Wimpy. She is sipping on an orange juice. My megacoffee is steaming on the table. Obviously things are not that bad yet, she is still looking out for me  :biggrin:

She warms up over breakfast, a ray of sunlight suddenly bathes the bike outside the window! Shit the bike is dirty. The rain is over, the sun is out. She starts talking to me again. Life is good...

Brekkie is done, we are both a little warmer, and the waitress is looking at the wet puddles under our chairs very suspiciously  atch:

We suit up, walk out to the bike, saddle up, and again head southwards along the N11 towards Amersfoort. The mist lifts, for a moment there is sunshine. Beloved behind me is chatting away with me, pointing out scenery, commenting on the wildflowers... life is REALLY good. The road starts drying out, I twist the throttle just a bit more, the speed limit now seems to be a challenge, not a rule  :imaposer:

 

[Pietcoke]

Hier kom n interesante storie...... :sip:

 

[Mr Zog]

Just a few k's before Amersfort we cross over the Vaal River. I see it approaching on the GPS. I slow down, we stop just before the bridge, its photo time!

With the bike in first gear I kick out the side stand, the motor dies, I hold the bike steady, beloved gets off. I let the bike lean over to the left, let the side stand take the weight, the gearbox holds it from rolling forwards, I swing my leg over and get off. I open the zip for the tank bag, I take out a very wet camerabag. But thats ok, I put my small camera in a zip lock baggie, right?

Wrong. Somehow the zip opened when I was putting it into the camera bag. Its wet, refuses to even turn on. Shit. Remove batteries. Replace in Zip lock bag. Put back in camera bag. Put it into the top-box. Take out the Nikon camera bag from the top box. Its dry (thank you!  :hello2, take the camera out of the CUM bag, give to liefie so she can snap away...

"Why is my camera on? Did you switch it on?"

"No love, must have caught on the bag as I took it out." I say as I light up a smoke.

"Well the battery is flat." icicles dripping from her voice, flying off and hitting me in the heart, my eyes, stinging like a twatwaffle-klap.

Fukken switch must have caught on the CUM bag when I put it in this morning. No spare battery. And the charger only works on 220V, not 12V, so I cant charge it from the bike. I hear the whoosh as my shares plummet again  :BangHead:

 

[seajaykay]

Good thing the camera died! bring on the rest!

 

[EATMYKTM.]

:thumleft:

 

[hando]

Loving it.

Please type faster

 

[Mr Zog]

I finish my smoke in silence.

We kit up again, saddle up, pull off. As we cross the Vaal river, which is usually just a little trickle this far up but is a wide brown torrent right now, the sunlight goes out. Thick black clouds, sort of like her mood right now, move over, and the rain starts again. Slowly at first, sort of giving hope that it will just be a short shower, but building into another torrent. Later I hear that this same rain has caused massive flooding in Limpopo province. 15 000 crocodiles have escaped into the Limpopo river. It feels like there is one sitting behind me.

By the time we cross the Rietspruit river I'm absolutely soaked again. The intercom is silent again. The city of Amersfoort appears out of the gloom and I get a double-tap from behind. Feels like a gunshot to the kidneys. I look for a place to stop, but its a one horse town. The horse drowned. I stop on the side of the road, turn around and ask if she can hold it until Volksrust, its only a few k's down the road. Her reply over the intercom is "fine". So the battery isn't flat yet  :

I pull off, and follow the N11, still southwards. Its not long and Volksrust is upon us. I look for a filling station with a roof all the way to the shop. Finally find one on the left, just before the end of town. Pull in, park on a real parking next to the one with the yellow wheelchair painted in it. Beloved bails into the shop to the ladies room. I feel for my smokes in the inside pocket of my jacket. My heart nearly stops! They're not there 

I do the frantic pat-down of my pockets... I feel something in the left lower front pocket. Thank goodness! I must have put them there by mistake when the camera story happened. I put my hand in the pocket and pull out a squidgy mess of filters, tobacco and Styvesant box, all soaking wet. Even the flick-a-bic is so soaked it refuses to light. With disgust I scrape the goo out and dump it into a trash can. My fingers I notice have gone a funny black colour from the wet gloves.

I walk into the quick-shop and buy a new lighter, and another pack of twenty. Shit I hate it when I waste cash like that. STUPID  :dousing:  I stand outside and savour the smoke. I feel my mood lifting again. The wet one reappears, tells me that even her undies are soaked. She isn't too happy.

Discretion being the better part of valour I decide to stay put for a while, maybe the rain will pass. I go get myself a coffee, a cooldrink for liefling. She doent like coffee as much as I do. We sit on the chairs of the coffee spot, watching the rain pelt down. A twat parks on the yellow wheelchair. I can't even take a pic of that. I mutter under my breath... and I think of the cage at home, with dry seats.

 

[Mr Zog]

I catch myself, thoughts like that were a hanging offence not many years ago, and believe it or not, I am actually having fun! I am getting all my confidence back that I had years ago, when a bike was my ONLY form of transport. I had to ride, no matter what the weather. And having a big screen in front of me is a new experience. I'm not as uncomfortable as I used to be on my other bikes. I just can't understand why liefie is so wet. I'm wet, but not THAT wet.

Then I think about it some more. I am behind the screen, but I'm in a relatively small area of dry. Behind me the effect is already lost, so beloved is getting a LOT more wind and water than me. Bugger. No wonder she has such a good impression of the ice-maiden going. We start chatting again, talk is about the place we are going, and what the weather will be like at the sea. I'm not too hopeful, but I don't let her know this.

About 30 mins later the rain has slowed a lot, so we take advantage of the lull and head out again. Ever southwards, along the N11 towards Newcastle. The rain continues. Sometimes harder, sometimes gentler, but never stopping. The turn-off to Newcastle appears, and I ask the missus if she needs to stop. She says no, its ok, lets just keep going. Then she asks me why I didn't bring the rain suits with me.

Now I'm not a stupid ou, in fact I truly believe that I am pretty damn clever. I did well at school, I have always done well at my studies, and I even win the odd game of trivial persuit. But fuck me... sometimes I am thicker than a scrum of Aussies.

The rain suits are in the tank bag.  :BangHead: :BangHead: :BangHead:

 

[Stichhom]

Brilliant story Mr Zog...please type faster. ;D

 

[Mr Zog]

Do I tell her that they are there, or do I come up with some "valid" reason why I left them at home?

The answer is simple. Tell her that they are in the tank bag. I mean, its not the end of the world, anyone can make a mistake?

I pull off onto the off-ramp to Newcastle, the one just at the beginning of Newcastle. I see a petrol station sign to the right, so I head off in that direction. As I get closer I see its a truck-stop. But there is a small cafe on one side with a stoep. I park the bike right in front of the stoep, and we duck under. Its still raining quite hard. I take off my helmet, light a smoke, and tell her. Then I step back because I know this is gonna hurt.

She must have seen the look in my eyes, that look of utter resignation. She took a breath... then she looked at me again... then she walked closer... I stood my ground (well my back was against a wall, I had nowhere to go). The sting of the expected snotklap was almost palpable already. Then she started laughing...  :imaposer:

I laughed too. We had just ridden more than three hours (not including stops) in some of the heaviest rain, and I had forgotten that the rainsuits were in the tankbag. I took the rainsuits out, and we put them on. Now they aren't the best rainsuits, they are the cheapo's from Makro. Hers is blue, mine is yellow. 'cause mine is bigger  :ricky:

Now suitably suited up we rode out again. Back into the rain. Not far down the road we saw our first speedcop. Sitting on the side of the road in his car, watching the traffic pass. Thats when I remembered that Newcastle is in KZN. Home of the "Zero Tolerance" manne. But I wasn't scared, my numberplate was so dirty by now that it was illegible. Camera's dont scare me now  ot:

 

[Mr Zog]

We gooi south for a few more clicks, until just past Chelmsford dam, where we turn left onto the R68 towards Dundee. Right at the turn-off the roadworks start, but they are on the N11. So we are spared this set. The rain also abates for a while, becomes a gentle drizzle. Lekker!

Now Dundee isn't a big place, but if it has a Wimpy then at least you don't miss it if you blink. The Wimpy in Dundee is on the right, in a shopping mall. A small shopping mall. It was around noon already, and the place was packed. We waited 3 smokes for coffee. Beloved also had coffee, she was that cold. It transpires that the Makro rain suits are not very waterproof either. But they helped a bit, just a bit.

We debated having lunch seeing as we were already at the Whip-me, but they were so busy, and it was still a bit early, so we decided to push on. We took the R33 out of Dundee, in a south-easterly direction. The rain was still with us, but not as heavy as before. Some magnificent riding was had, even though the roads were wet and slippery, and sometimes the visibility was really bad, like 30meters at times in some of the passes.

We passed through Pomeroy, beloved blinked and missed it. And then Tugela Ferry... there was quite a queue waiting for the single lane bridge, but being on a bike we just passed everyone until we were right up front. It was our turn, and we crossed over. The tugela river was in flood! A massively broad expanse of very muddy water, flowing very fast. I hoped that people didn't try and cross it in the usual ways. Keats Drift a few km further on was also in flood. But we were safe on the bridge.

We entered Greytown. Usually one just hangs a left onto the R74, but I decided that we needed lunch, and fuel would be a good idea too. I slowly rode down the main road of Greytown, looking for the omnipresent Wimpy sign. I was almost out the other side when I saw a sign for Barchello's Chicken. It was located at a filling station too, so we pulled in. I have eaten Barchello's chicken before, at the Total filling station at Kwa-Nokeng. For those that don't know, Kwa-Nokeng is the filling station just inside Botswana when one crosses at the Groblers Bridge/Martins Drift border post. So I knew that the quality was good.

We ordered the cheese and chicken burgers with chips, and a coolie each - they didn't have coffee. I was starving, so I wolfed mine down when it arrived, and while beloved was still daintily eating hers I went outside and filled the bike up. There was also a "zero-tolerance" lady sitting in a marked vehicle at the filling station, but she was too busy filling her face to care about me riding the bike in the filling station sans helmet. After another smoke we again set off, the temp guage was now showing a balmy 18 degrees!  :imaposer: